Euripides: Yeah, yeah, I'm lickin' your balls, best balls I ever had. Uh-huh, you've got King-Kong balls. Your balls are so large, just big balls, I don't care. You just got big balls.
Benedick: By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
Beatrice: Do not swear by it and eat it.
Benedick: I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.
Gene Shepard: That was a 35 dollar belt.
Johnny: I wanna join the Army.
Aunt Bella: The Army? Our Army?
Johnny: Yeah! But they wouldn't take me. I couldn't pass the, the - hatever they give you I couldn't pass.
Giddy: ...did you know it could be dangerous to wake somebody up when they're dreaming, well, because you leave part of your brain behind. And if it happens too many times, you go feeble in the head.
Sheela: Yeah. You're living proof.
Detective Bill Reimers: I've had this moustache for thirteen years. How long have you had yours?
Matthew Welsh: You cold-blooded murderess.
Hexina: What did you just call me?
Matthew Welsh: Murderess.
Hexina: Oh, I thought you said Methodist. For a moment I was insulted.
Cole Parker: I want you to press the ignition button. You got me?
Dani Servigo: Ignition?
Cole Parker: Ignition. Yeah. Shit. He can't read. I tell you what you do. Hold up that first finger. Tell me what you see.
Dani Servigo: A finger.
Cole Parker: No, it looks like an "I." That's the first letter in "ignition."
Larry Wilson: I was not the one who was out CONGA-DANCING all night, huh.
Johnny: You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck for YOU.
Missy's Friend: God, my boyfriend won't even pump gas for me.
Gene Loomis: Y'know, it's hard to believe you're a grown-up.
Ruth Corday: No kidding.
Lawrence Woolsey: You think grown-ups have it all figured out? That's just a hustle, kid. Grown-ups are making it up as they go along, just like you. You remember that, and you'll do fine.
Andrew Sterling: What comes around, goes around.
Harrison Winslow: Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail? And I will. I'll fail. I'm telling you. I always fail. Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
Thomas Reilly: No offense, Harrison. But you died a failure because you never tried.
Bob Alexander: What do you think you're doing?
Dave: What? Oh, you mean the press conference. I had a couple of ideas that I wanted to share with the country.
Bob Alexander: Share? Share? You don't call a press conference. I call a press conference. You're nothing. Do you understand? You're nobody.
Dave: I'm not nobody.
Bob Alexander: You're lint! You're a flea! You're a blip.
Dave: Well... maybe I am. But you're fired.
Hal Jackson: Do you mind if I smoke in here?
Sarah Mathews: Yes, I do mind.
Zora: Ma, this is his office.
Sarah Mathews: I don't care, this is my lungs, he can get himself killed.
Lt. Theodore 'Ted' Sawyer: Oh, cute baby! Boy or girl?
Jeff Blue: Gosh, I hope so.