Mikey Ubriacco: I don't wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday.
James: I know, but you're gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.
Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Bonnie: He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?
Fred: All of them.
Bonnie: He knows you disapprove of him. He knows you think he's weak. But he's not weak. He's decent. And if you or Bruce or anyone else tries to beat that out of him, I swear to God I'll take him away.
Michael Chapman: I turned Angela from a pickpocket into a star into a shoplifter.
Iggy: All right, Kids, come in here and Clean up Yer Bloody Room! I know well, cuz I'm 37, and don't make Me beat You with Leg of Mine that no longer Works cuz I'll do it.
Hope Burnford: Hungry?
Sassy: No.
Hope Burnford: But it's shrimp. You like shrimp.
Sassy: Yeah, well, I've still got those four pesky ounces still hanging on from last Christmas.
Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle.
Doug Ireland: Nothing's impossible Albert. Impossible just takes a couple extra phone calls.
Joon: Should we let him in?
Benny: Yeah, before someone slaps a stamp on him and sends him to Guam.
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen.]
President Benson: It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Yet here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.
Sister Mary Robert: The only thing the chef knows how to cook is German sausage.
Sister Mary Lazarus: Day after day, liverwurst, bratwurst, beerwurst.
Sister Mary Patrick: It's the "worst."
Regina: If you want your dog back, call my lawyer.
Kay Curley: It's a terrible shock.
Dessie Curley: What is?
Kay Curley: Being married for 25 years, and finding out your husband's a prick.
Larry Lipton: Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot.
Nancy Archer: Missed me?
Harry Archer: I don't suppose you want to hear my side of this?
Cliff Murdoch: I just figured out why the Cubs lose every year. They've got more talent in the stands than they do in the field.