Wade Wilson: Do you like what you see?
Weasel: No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Weasel: Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
Wade Wilson: And the only guy the who fix this fugly mug is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory. And he's gone. Poof!
Weasel: Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action.
Wade Wilson: Damn straight. Find Francis.
Weasel: Star in horror films.
Wade Wilson: What?
Weasel: Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
Quotes from Ryan Reynolds movies and TV shows - page 2 of 6
Recruiter: Mr. Wilson.
Wade Wilson: How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.
Blind Al: Why such a douche this morning?
Wade Wilson: Let's recap: the cock-thistle that turned me into this freak slipped through my arms today... Arm... Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
Vanessa Carlysle: I love you, Wade Wilson. We can fight this.
Wade Wilson: You're right. Cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All things I can live without.
Deadpool: I'm touching myself tonight.
Ajax: One thing that never survives this place is a sense of humor.
Wade Wilson: Oh, we'll see about about that Posh Spice. Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?
Deadpool: [Farts as he walks past Blind Al.] Hashtag drive-by.
Deadpool: You're still here? It's over. Go home. Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What are you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up? With an eye patch and saucy little leather number? Go. Go. Oh! But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret. For the sequel, we're going to have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're going to cast yet, but it could be anybody. Just need a big guy with a flat top. Mel Gibson. Dolph Lundgren. Keira Knightley. She's got range, who knows. Anyways, big secret. Shhh. Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go.
Deadpool: Ripley. From Alien 3.
Nega Sonic Teenage Warhead: Fuck you're old.
Blind Al: Wanna do some cocaine?
Wade Wilson: Hey! Cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits.
Blind Al: What about Bolivian marching powder?
Wade Wilson: They know all the slang terms. They have a list.
Blind Al: Even snowboarding?
Wade Wilson: Even disco dust.
Blind Al: White Girl, Interrupted?
Wade Wilson: Even Forrest Bump.
Blind Al: Do you want to build a snowman?
Wade Wilson: Yes! But I can't!
Wade Wilson: Is that supposed to be scary? Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. But it is for Disney.
Paradox: Mr Wilson, you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious.
Wade Wilson: I wasn't unconscious.
Wade Wilson: Your little cinematic universe is about to change, forever!
Deadpool: Pump the hate brakes, Thanos.
Deadpool: So you're an alien, I guess. How does that help us?
Shatterstar: I'm basically better than you at everything.
Deadpool: Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people that are worse than me at everything. A bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth.
Deadpool: So dark. You sure you're not from the DC universe?
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