Quotes from Peter Sellers movies and TV shows

Aldo Vanucci: Aagghh! If only I could steal enough to become an honest man.

Evelyn Tremble: Grand Prix enthusiasts may be worried by the amount of time it has taken me to get into this Lotus Formula Three. What they don't realise is, although Le Chiffre thinks he has a faster car than me, I am faster in my Lotus Formula Three. Hee Hee.

Vesper Lynd: Mr Evelyn Tremble?
Evelyn Tremble: Yes, that's right.
Vesper Lynd: Isn't Evelyn a girl's name?
Evelyn Tremble: No, it's mine, actually.

Piper: Excuse me. Are you Richard Burton?
Evelyn Tremble: No, I'm Peter O'Toole.
Piper: Then you're the finest man that ever breathed.

Evelyn Tremble: If I'm not back in five minutes, start without me.

President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

General "Buck" Turgidson: As you may recall, sir, one of the provisions of Plan 'R' provides that once the go-code is received, the normal SSB Radios on the aircraft are switched into a specially coded device which I believe is designated as CRM-114. Now, in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or confusing orders, CRM-114 is designed not to receive at all. Unless the message is the correct three-letter recall code prefix.
President Merkin Muffley: You mean to tell me, General Turgidson, that you will be unable to recall the aircraft?
General "Buck" Turgidson: That's about the size of it. However, at this moment our men are plowing through and transmitting every possible three-letter combination of the recall code. But since there are over 17,000 permutations... It's going to take us about two-and-a-half days to transmit them all.
President Merkin Muffley: How soon did you say our planes will be entering Russian radar cover?
General "Buck" Turgidson: About 18 minutes from now, sir.

Fred Kite: I've got to be off. I can't stay here arguing. I've got a lot to do. Report to the Executive, check up on the pickets.
Mrs. Kite: From what I can see, the only time you ever jolly well do any work is when you're on strike.

Fred Kite: I see from your particulars you was at college in Oxford. I was up there meself. I was at the Balliol summer school in 1946. Very good toast and preserves they give you at tea time, as you probably know.

Fred Kite: My politics is a matter between my conscience and the ballot box.
Stanley Windrush: Your politics - to each according to his needs, from each as little as he can get away with. And no overtime except on Sundays, at double the rate. That's a damn fine way to build a new Jerusalem.

Fred Kite: My daughter, Cynthia. She works 'ere, spindle polishing.
Stanley Windrush: Oh, really? That room you were talking about just now. Perhaps I could pop round and have a look at it.

Fred Kite: Me and my colleagues are the Works Committee. Would you mind producing your union card.
Stanley Windrush: I'm afraid I can't. It's not compulsory, is it?
Shop Steward: No, it's not compulsory. Only you've got to join, see?

Louis: She had to go. She asked for it. She's probably been asking for it all her life.
Harry: Yeah! Look what she done to that barrow boy and-and the cabbie and the junkman. All of them out of business in ten minutes.

Hrundi V. Bakshi: It's good to have a laugh.

Hrundi V. Bakshi: What is this game you call to get the brightly colored balls in the hole?
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Pool.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: POO?
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Not poo! pool.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Oh, POOO-EL.
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: That's right.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: How many people can play this poo-el?
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Oh one or two or a whole bunch of people.

Michelle Monet: Do you speak French?
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Well, just enough to get myself into trouble.

C. S. Divot: Who do you think you are?
Hrundi V. Bakshi: In India, we don't think who we are. We know who we are.

'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Where are you from?
Hrundi V. Bakshi: I am from India.
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Got you covered, Injun.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Oh! Bang! Howdy, partner.
'Wyoming Bill' Kelso: Pretty quick on the draw there.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Never I believed in my whole life I would meet him, and he would go "Bang, partner." Listen to me: white man speak with forked tongue.

Hrundi V. Bakshi: Do you speak Hindustani?
Michelle Monet: No.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Well, you are not missing anything.

Director: You.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Me?
Director: Yes, you. Get off my set, and out of my picture. Off, off! You're washed up, you're finished! I'll see to it that you never make another movie again.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Does that include television, sir?