Bacillus Box: ...Handle these capsules with care. Dr. Noah's bacillus is highly contagious. This germ, when distributed in the atmosphere will make all women beautiful and destroy all men over 4'6." Please handle these capsules with care.
Vesper Lynd: Never trust a rich spy.
M: Debussy. He plays Debussy every afternoon from sunset until its too dark to read the music. Stands on his head a lot. Eats royal jelly. Lets his intestines down and washes them by hand. Something he learned during his sojourn in Tibet.
Cooper: What's the strategy sir?
Sir James: Get out of the bloody place before it blows up.
Evelyn Tremble: Grand Prix enthusiasts may be worried by the amount of time it has taken me to get into this Lotus Formula Three. What they don't realise is, although Le Chiffre thinks he has a faster car than me, I am faster in my Lotus Formula Three. Hee Hee.
Miss Moneypenny: I really have to note your qualifications.
Cooper: Height: six foot two and a half. 184 pounds. Trophies for karate and judo, holder of the Kama Sutra black belt.
Miss Moneypenny: Very impressive. How do you spell that?
Cooper: I'll show you.
Evelyn Tremble: If I'm not back in five minutes, start without me.
Vesper Lynd: Mr Evelyn Tremble?
Evelyn Tremble: Yes, that's right.
Vesper Lynd: Isn't Evelyn a girl's name?
Evelyn Tremble: No, it's mine, actually.
Sir James: My dear, Miss Lynd.
Vesper Lynd: Who are you, sir?
Sir James: I am Sir James Bond.
Vesper Lynd: But, I thought you were retired, Sir James?
Sir James: The whole world believes that you were eaten by a shark, Miss Lynd.
Vesper Lynd: That was no shark. That was my personal submarine. But enough of this polite conversation. What is the purpose of your visit?
Sir James: I desperately need your help.
Polo: This is your mother's room. It has not been opened since the day she left here in 1916. You see. Nothing has been touched.
Mata Bond: It's a wild room! Hey, what an enormous bed.
Polo: The German army was very large in those days.
The Detainer: You're crazy. You are absolutely crazy.
Jimmy Bond: People called Einstein crazy.
The Detainer: That's not true. No one ever called Einstein crazy.
Jimmy Bond: Well, they would have if he'd carried on like this.
James Bond: What are you going to do?
Le Chiffre: Physically, I'm not going to do anything.
James Bond: Ah, you're going to nothing me to death.
Le Chiffre: Torture of the mind. The most exquisite torture is all in the mind.
Sir James: I remember your chap Lenin very well. First class organizer. Second class mind.
Mata Bond: Who is Le Chiffre?
Polo: Nobody knows, not even Le Chiffre.
Jimmy Bond: You can't shoot me! I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time. I-I, eh, eh, oh, oh, what if I said I was pregnant?
Sir James: Be careful, that's my loose kneecap.
Piper: Excuse me. Are you Richard Burton?
Evelyn Tremble: No, I'm Peter O'Toole.
Piper: Then you're the finest man that ever breathed.
Answer: Given that this is a comedy, the thinking was probably "Well, we'll just blow up your retirement so you've got no choice but to come out of it."
Captain Defenestrator