Matthew: Enter the fuckin' dragon.
Dr. Anton Rudolph: You have no idea what you're up against.
Bart Parker: You don't know my men.
Dr. Anton Rudolph: This is not some garden snake you're going after. We are talking about a perfect killing machine. A 129-foot all-terrain vehicle capable of speeds exceeding 50 miles an hour with skin that can deflect an antitank round, enhanced night vision and a voracious appetite for human flesh. It will slaughter your men before they have a chance to blink.
Florence "Chicklet" Forrest: I've never been to an orgy before. What do I wear?
Miranda Frayle: I'm absolutely determined that the Countess of Marshwood shall be the longest, and greatest, role I ever played.
Felicity Marshwood: I do hope you won't find it too much of a strain.
Nigel: Mother.
Felicity Marshwood: I do know what I'm talking about. I've played it for years. I find it a good part, but technically rather exhausting.
Steerpike: Why is it that some people starve and others have so much they waste it?
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Turkish: We've lost gorgeous George
Brick top: Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?
Ape Boy: I'm wearing an ape suit. That means I don't give a fuck.
Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Paul Tannek: Oh, are you referring to the illegal drugs you disperse at parties?
Chris: What are you talking about? What, are you gonna turn into a narc on us?
Kate: I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Pam Byrnes: Geez, Dad. You ever think of knocking?
Jack Byrnes: Not in my own den. What are you two doing in here?
Larry: I'd say rounding 2nd base.
Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Wesley: I saw your TV movie. It sucked! Hasselhoff blew you off the screen.
Jim Grover: It's quints.