Jon: How are you this morning, Garfield?
Garfield: In a good mood. I let the mail man live.
Lynne: Velcro. Next to the Walkman and Tab it is the coolest invention of the 20th century.
'Colonel' Tom Parker: Let's face it, son. The records aren't doing what they used to and the movie aren't doing much better.
Elvis Presley: That's probably because of all this material you keep shovin' down my throat, Colonel. Hell, you can't polish a turd.
Hilary: If you think being an ordinary person is any easier than being an extraordinary one, you're wrong.
Corelli: The other night when you were dancing the way you were moving the turn of your head. I thought I could watch you forever.
Pelagia: You think you can come here and turn my whole world upside down?
Harris Green: You're crazy, you know that? Do you have any idea what you have just given up?
Peter Tork: You can never move forward standing in the same place, Harris.
Harris Green: Yeah, well, let's see how many records you can sell when you're not in people's living room.
Mr. Rad: Get yo' head up. You lost the money, it's gone. But, you can't lay around in yo' misery too long. Do not walk outta' this place and start to second guess yo' talent. You got yo' ass whooped tonight. But, I done seen y'all whoop a many a ass, right in the same place. Now, you lost. Lemme tell you somethin' my father told me, is: "If it don't kill you, it makes you stronger." Remember that.
Ted: Please enjoy the first three movements of...
Both Bill and Ted: That Which Binds Us Through Time, The Chemical, Physical, and Biological Nature of Love, An Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning.
Bill: Part One.
Mesh-Head: If I were you, I would run.
Buddy: If you were me, you'd be good-lookin'.
Rusty: Now, when you said you were gonna wear a cowboy hat, I didn't know how I'd feel about it.
Willard: And now that you've seen me in it, what's the verdict?
Rusty: I think you're sexier than socks on a rooster.
Willard: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Rusty: I mean it, stud.
Carson Daly: If I wasn't a key player in this whole conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America with rock music, we could totally date.
Melody: Ew, I would never go out with you.
Woody Guthrie: This land is your land/This land is my land/From California to the New York Island/From the Redwood forests to the Gulf Stream waters/This land was made for you and me.
Frank Baker: I'm sorry. I'm a bit wound up.
Jack Baker: Frank, you're a fucking alarm clock.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Mike: You'll like Bath... better class of fuck in Bath.
Mrs. Hazel Pennicott: Are you wondering whether I'm a witch?
Tommy: Aged 11: Suppose you are a witch?
Mrs. Hazel Pennicott: Suppose I am.
Tommy: Aged 11: Would you do a guy a favor?
Mrs. Hazel Pennicott: I've been waiting for twenty years to give a guy a favor.
Mari Hoff: Ah, your not the famous phone bill, are ya?
James Bond: That was damn stupid.