Master Oogway: There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Motormouth Maybelle: [to Seaweed and Penny.] Oh, so this is love? [She pauses and then smiles.] Well, love is a gift, a lot of people don't remember that. So, you two better brace yourselves for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you from a neverending parade of stupid.
Penny Pingleton: [Totally serious.] So, you've met my mom?
Juliet: A man doesn't make you strong, but the right partner can make you stronger.
Genie: I made you look like a prince on the outside, but I didn't change anything on the inside. Prince Ali got you to the door, but Aladdin has to open it.
Henry: I saw her ankles.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You would've seen a lot more if you kept your cakehole shut.
Vivian: Oh...Look honey, I have a runner in my pantyhose. Oops! I'm not wearing panty hose!
Woman at elevator: Shut your mouth, dear.
Donna: I grew up.
Tanya: Well, grow back down then!
Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.
Bert: Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert: What's the name of his other leg?
Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma." I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson.
Troy Bolton: East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brulee, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor. It's a place where one person, if it's the right person, changes us all. East High is having friends we'll keep for the rest of our lives, and that means we really are 'all in this together'. Once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat!
CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?
CIA Officer: I don't know, sir.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir.
CIA Superior: I'm fucked if I know what we did.
Professor Fate: Leslie escaped?
General: With a small friar.
Professor Fate: Leslie escaped with a chicken?
Jack Sparrow: Oi fish face! I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! Guess what's inside of it?.
Michaleen Flynn: None 'o that now, none 'o that. It's a bold sinful man y'are Sean Thornton. And who taught you to be playin' patty-fingers in the Holy Water?
Thornton: Just bein' polite, is all.
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Jesse: No "and then"!
Chinese Food Lady: And then?
Prince Henry: I have been born to privilege, and with that comes specific obligations.
Leonardo da Vinci: Horseshit.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: People go by the names their parents give them, but they don't believe in God.
Doofy: Mom said that when I wear this badge you're supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Buffy: Well, mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.