Tia Hall: Honey, the girls are having a great time showing everybody the lights. I pray to God that's the only thing they're showing.
Kris: You messed with the wrong sisters.
Thomas: How could you kill a poor, defenseless animal? Angela! You're really starting to piss me off.
Ebenezer Scrooge: How shall I ever understand this world? There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty, and yet, there is nothing it condemns with such severity as the pursuit of wealth.
Barb: I think the little buggers schnockered, son of a bitch.
Mr. Green: We both know Miley was flawless.
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.
Giant Santa: I'm gonna deck your halls, bub.
Ernest: I have lived my life in the fast lane.
The Great Gonzo: Hmmm. Let's see. Shiny nose, laughing and calling names... I got it! Meet the new star of our show: Frosty the Snow-Rat.
Kermit: Gee Gonzo, I thought you would have gone with Rizzo the Red-Nosed Rat-Deer.
The Great Gonzo: Well, sure, if you want to go for the obvious.
Puppy Paws: What are we gonna do, dudette?
Rosebud: Oh, brother.
Puppy Paws: Sweet. And I can call you sis.
Ms. Barbara MacHenry: Didn't I see Clair earlier?
Kelli Presely: Isn't she upstairs writing a card to her sister?
Melissa Kitt: No, I think her sister picked her up earlier. Remember, this is the occasion for Clair and her sister and her mom to bury the hatchet and rediscover each other.
Dana Mathis: I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister... right in her head.
Killer Santa: 31 bucks. Merry fucking Christmas.
Langston: What kind of parents are you?
Reverend Cornell Cobbs: The broken hearted kind.
Lumiere: And you said it was impossible.
Angelique: No, no, no. I said it was impossible without - me.
Susan Walker: There's no such thing as giants.
Fred Gailey: What about the one Jack killed?
Susan Walker: Jack? Jack who?
Fred Gailey: Jack from "Jack and the Beanstalk."
Susan Walker: I never heard of that.
Fred Gailey: Sure you have. You must have forgotten. It's a fairy tale.
Susan Walker: Oh... one of those. I don't know any of those. My mother thinks they're silly.
Saul: Did you know I'm Peter's godfather?
Lucy: Really? I thought you had to be catholic for that.
Saul: Ox fudged it over. He donated 50 folding chairs to Father O'Shea's bingo night.
Aimo: Have a Merry Christmas. And a happy bloody New Year.
Drew Latham: Please! Please, let me stay here.
Tom Valco: No.
Drew Latham: I'll pay you.
Tom Valco: My family's not for sale, pal.
Drew Latham: I'll pay you $250,000.
Tom Valco: Welcome home, son.