Warren: When will you get it into your head that one can produce a copious, regular and exquisitely turned evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason.
Officer Sam 'Mad Dog' Shaw: Where you guys from, Texas?
Pepper: Texas? Ain't no real cowboys from Texas, we're from New Mexico.
Don Juan: There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Peter: This guy, by the way, could be the biggest loser who ever walked the face of the earth. He could be a grump, a jerk, a pervert, a cynic, a man who's mind is infested with dark thoughts, he could be a criminal... he could be... truly sick.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
David Stephens: And how would you react, then, if I told you I was the Antichrist?
Spike: Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death.
Becky O'Shea: You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?
Spike: Try me.
Becky O'Shea: I will.
Spike: Let's go.
Becky O'Shea: Right now.
Jake Berman: Somebody call 911.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Maverick: Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.
"Mud": I'm in hell. Shoot me.
Margaret Sullivan: Isn't that wonderful? Your Grandfather gave you the twins.
Billy Heywood: I would rather have my Grandfather.
George Knox: You're Roger's mom?
Maggie Nelson: Nope.
George Knox: Aunt? Grandma?
Maggie Nelson: No, we're not related. This is a short-term foster care facility, I run it. Roger is a ward of the state.
George Knox: I see. So Roger, he's got a wild imagination? Always coming up with stories?
Maggie Nelson: No actually, he's very grounded. Truth is most kids who are taken away from their parents by the court system, have a good handle on reality.
Telephone Operator: Due to the storm, all lines have been temporarily disconnected. Please try your call again later.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Grandpa: Watch the target grow in front of your eyes. And when it gets as big as a melon, throw.