The Office (2005)

Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.

Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.

Michael Scott: That's what she said.

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesly: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one."Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael Scott: I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.

Michael Scott: Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.

Jim Halpert: Michael stands in front of the boat and says he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.

Jim Halpert: God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

Pam Beesly: I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

Dwight Schrute: Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ.