Mary Loves Scoochie (2) - S6-E18
[Dick and Liam are engaged in a verbal joust to win Mary's affections.]
Dick: I will now dispatch my foe with an elegant haiku.
Liam: Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
Dick: I know that. I'm so sick of you. You think you know ev'rything. Will you stop it, please?
Liam: Now, yes that is technically a haiku, but it's a rather pedestrian one.
Dick: No, that was an accidental haiku. I want another turn.
[The Solomons are doing their taxes for the first time.]
Dick: Alright, Form 10-40. First name: Dick. Last name: Solomon. And Mary said this would be complicated.
Sally: Dick this is so boring. Why are we doin' it?
Dick: Because Sally, this is what humans do. It's like their national pastime. And you don't want us to stand out.
Harry: Hey, you know what'd be funny? Where it says "Sex," write "frequently."
Sally: That's a good one Harry.
Dick: They don't ask for your sex here.
Harry: Hmm. Well if there's any place that you can indicate that you like to have frequent sex, I think it's worth doing.
Sally: Farm income or loss. So did our farm show a profit last year?
Dick: No, we're Schedule F.
Tommy: Wait wait, we didn't have a farm last year.
Harry: We lost the farm? No!
Dick: Line 14, other gains or losses.
Tommy: I gained two lbs.
Sally: I lost my virginity.
Harry: Hey, there's your opportunity for that frequent sex thing if you wanna just throw it in.
Dick: Enter itemized deductions from Page 3, Schedule C, Line 2 to the extent they are allowable on Schedule A Form 10-40 NR.
Sally: Enter the larger of your itemized deductions from Line 28 or standard deduction shown on the left. My left or its left?
Tommy: See Page 30 to find your standard deduction if you've checked any box on Line 35-A or 35-B or if someone can claim you as a dependent.
[The entire family is shown to be very confused and the scene transitions to a short time later.]
Harry: I'm telling you, there is no Schedule B.
Tommy: There has to be, dammit!
Dick: I don't understand this, I'm a superior being. I can calculate the decaying orbit of a dying moon to within a tenth of an inch. Why can't I calculate the subtotal of Line 59-A? Why can't I find Line 59-A? Where the hell is Line 59-A!?
Sally: Calm down.
Dick: [begins tearing up his tax forms.] I can't take this anymore! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! [Suddenly finds Line 59-A.] Oh here it is. Everybody just settle down.
Answer: The writers often have Dick respond to Mary with a retort that he thinks is in the common vernacular but makes a mistake in wording that is often funny. Dick seems to be imputing a criticism from Mary and responds with a corruption of the more common "I'm going to wear your ass like a hat!" I doubt it has anything to do with owing taxes. Probably just one of the writers assuming a common regional phrase would be universally recognized.
That makes total sense. I always interpreted it as perhaps snowshoes are an expensive item, and given that he was blaming Mary for his newfound financial woes, he was equating her living off his generosity and used snowshoeing as a metaphor.
Phaneron