Quotes from Randy Quaid movies and TV shows

Mogan: Hey Bruno. What are you? A 65?
Bruno: Model 63. Deluxe.
Kelp: 63? Talk about ancient.
Bruno: Your sister didn't seem to mind.

Pluto Nash: So how's it going with you and Babbet?
Bruno: Me and Babbet? I don't think that's going to happen. I found out that I'm 110 volts and she's a 220.
Pluto Nash: Just go to the hardware store and get an adaptor.
Bruno: Nah. That just ruins it for me.

Vic Damico: This isn't your first time in a restaurant, is it?
Lucille: No, my ex-husband used to like to eat out, may he rest in peace.
Vic Damico: So he passed away?
Lucille: Not yet.

Tim Daland: I had sponsors in from all over the coast and I'm hugging, and holding hands, and praying for a good showin'. And what do we do? We end up looking like a monkey fucking a football out there. Everybody out, please.

Tim Daland: He's destroyed both my cars. He destroyed both my cars. He's fired. You're fired. You're all fired.

Russell Casse: Hello boys! I'm baaack!

Russell Casse: You read my mind! We've gotta get as far away from these things as we can!
Miguel Casse: They let you out?

Kyle G.

Ishmael: Hey everybody there's a shit cloud coming! Run for your lives.

Ishmael: Okay, you want to bowl for some big money, eh? But I'll lose my entire bonus check because I'm so bombed.
McKnight Bowl Bartender: You get that way from ginger ale?
Roy: Nah, he was sniffing glue in the parking lot.

Ishmael: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?
Roy: I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't.

Cousin Eddie: Oh yeah, Yuban Coffee. You know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything? Ice cream, mashed potatoes, or just eat it right out of the can for a quick pick me up.

Hoover Dam Guide: Welcome everyone. I am your dam guide, Arnie. Now I'm about to take you through a fully funtional power plant, so please, no one wander off the dam tour and please take all the dam pictures you want. Now are there any dam questions?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?

Cousin Eddie: I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
Clark Griswold: Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.

Cousin Eddie: That's it Clark... show him who's boss. It's people like you who come here and blow the family nest egg that built this town... not this pretty boy.

Clark Griswold: Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?
Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.

Sheriff Loomis: You listen to me, you son-of-a-bitch! There's a kid out there usin' his car to kill people, not that it's such a big deal since it seems to be your gang he's got it in for... so, if you guys try to take the law into your own hands, and that killer turns up dead, I'm gonna see you all sniffin' cyanide in the Arizona gas chamber.

Sheriff Loomis: Forget it, Murphy. Roadblocks won't stop somethin' that can't be stopped.
Murphy: Loomis, what're you sayin'?
Sheriff Loomis: I'm sayin' it's over. There's nobody left in Packard's gang to kill.

Sheriff Loomis: I don't need a warrant when I have this badge.
Gutterboy: But we know our constipational rights, sir, and you can't just come in here and.