DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
Nicholas Angel: Like who?
DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.
Nicholas Angel: Who else?
DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.
Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?
DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck-load of cutlery!
Nicholas Angel: Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?
Roy Porter: Oh, we've got red... And, er... White?
Nicholas Angel: I'll have a pint of lager, please.
Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?
Teen: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Teen: Every year.
Danny Butterman: What do you think?
Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.
Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: [sarcastic.] Yeah, 'cause we all sell apples round here, don't we?
Danny Butterman: Your dad sells apples, Andy.
DC Andy Cartwright: And raspberries.
Danny Butterman: Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'.
Danny Butterman: You're off the fucking chain!
Nicholas Angel: OK, what's his story?
Danny Butterman: Oh, it's Lurch.
Nicholas Angel: Go on.
Danny Butterman: He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
Nicholas Angel: Good.
Danny Butterman: Real name, Michael Armstrong, Dad says he's got a child's mind.
Nicholas Angel: OK.
Danny Butterman: He lives up Summer Street with his mom and his sister.
Nicholas Angel: And they as big as him?
Danny Butterman: Who?
Nicholas Angel: The mom and the sister.
Danny Butterman: Same person.
Danny Butterman: Did you say cool off?
Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything.
Danny Butterman: Shame.
Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey, then I said 'play time's over' and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.
DC Andy Cartwright: You wanna be a big policeman in a small town, fuck off to the model village then.
Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll!
Danny Butterman: Bring the noise!
Chosen answer: In the pub Danny demonstrates using a ketchup packet to simulate stabbing himself in the eye. Later in the film he returns Nicholas Angel's notebook, hiding a ketchup packet in it. He stabs the pocket with the notebook, causing the ketchup to leak and simulate blood.