Dolly Levi: And on those cold winter nights, Horace, you can snuggle up to your cash register. It's a little lumpy, but it rings.
Irene Molloy: Do get done with that, Minnie. The men are eyeing us for the wrong reasons.
Minnie Fay: A banana a day keeps the doctor away.
Irene Molloy: You mean an apple a day.
Minnie Fay: Who ever heard of a doctor slipping on an apple peel?
Ambrose Kemper: This doesn't concern Mrs. Levi.
Dolly Levi: Everything concerns Mrs. Levi, Mr. Kemper.
Dolly Levi: Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow.
Horace: Eighty percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in danger of contamination.
Horace: I'm going to march in the 14th street parade with the only kind of people I can trust: 700 men.
Horace: Any man who goes to a big city deserves what happens to him.
Dolly Levi: As my late husband, Ephraim Levi, used to say, 'If you have to live from hand-to-mouth, you'd better be ambidextrous.'.
Cornelius Hackl: I've lost everything: my job, my future, everything people think is important, but I don't care - because even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I shall be a ditch-digger who once had a wonderful day.
Cornelius Hackl: Barnaby, you don't know anything about women.
Barnaby Tucker: Only that we can't afford them.
Dolly Levi: Hello! Hello there, how are you? Oh Hello.
Horace: You know too many people.
Dolly Levi: Total strangers.
Horace: Then why do you greet them?
Dolly Levi: It makes me feel good to have so many friends.
Horace: Oh, say hello for me too then.
Dolly Levi: I already did.
Irene Molloy: Minnie, I don't mind that you never finish your lunch, but I do mind that you never finish your sentences.
Horace: Dolly Levi, you are a damned exasperating woman.
Dolly Levi: Why Horace Vandergelder. That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me. Ha ha.
Horace: You are an impractical seven-foot-tall nincompoop.
Ambrose Kemper: That's an insult.
Horace: All the facts about you are insults.
Barnaby Tucker: Holy cabooses.
Dolly Levi: Mr. Kemper, do you mind if we go inside? I'm feeling an updraft in my underpants.
Chosen answer: Yes.