Michael Newman: Twinkie. Don't need it. You don't need it, man. You do need a Yodel, though. Good job.
News Reader in 2017: Michael Jackson, the first man to clone himself is now suing himself for molesting himself.
Michael Newman: I mean no disrespect, Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
Ammer: Hubba Bubba.
Prince Habeeboo: Habeeboo! Ha-bee-boo! Hubba Bubba is chewing gum. Prince Habeeboo is not chewing gum.
Donna Newman: Will you still love me in the morning?
Michael Newman: Forever and ever, babe.
Trudy: Hey, Michael. Michael, who are you talking to?
Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
Trudy: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
Michael Newman: My mother says hello.
Michael Newman: Thank you, Mom for having me, I know it was a lot of pain.
Trudy: You have no idea.
Michael Newman: Samantha. One day, you are going to be the hottest chick in the world, but you still gotta have brains. So tomorrow, I'm going to teach you Calculus.
Samantha Newman - Age 5: You know Calculus?
Michael Newman: Uh, I knew you'd call me on that, all right, your mother will teach you.
Michael Newman: Yes! Look at me. All showered and dressed and looking sexy. I like that. I.
Samantha Newman - Age 5: Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
Morty: Think about it, you've skipped a year. That's a lot of sex. That's like, thirty minutes worth for you.
Morty: Something stinks like stale French fries.
Michael Newman: Oh yeah, that's probably me.
Morty: You know, fast food shortens your life.
Michael Newman: That's what they tell me, but the way my life's going right now, that wouldn't be so bad.
Michael Newman: Samantha, is that you? When did you get boobs?
Samantha at 14 Years Old: Same time you did, Dad.
Michael Newman: Sorry I'm late. Some idiot in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot.
Prince Habeeboo: Prince Habeeboo drive Red Lamborghini.
Michael Newman: Oh, did I say red Lamborghini? I meant blue Ferrari.
Morty: I'm gonna show you a remote we just got in that's probably the most advanced piece of technology that we have in this place.
Michael Newman: Sounds sweet.
Morty: It is sweet. The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.
Michael Newman: Ooh. I guess the O'Doyles' remote can kiss my advanced-technological ass then.
Morty: I don't know the O'Doyles, but... they can bite it hard.
Michael Newman: It took that son of a bitch a whole year to promote me?
