Andrew Largeman: You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big, but right now, I gotta go.
Mark: Silent velcro. You lucky mother fucker.
Andrew Largeman: I feel like if I would shown up at school and presented the idea of silent velcro they would have sent me away a whole lot sooner.
Sam: Why did they send you away?
Jesse: Ooh, listen to this girl.
Andrew Largeman: They didn't send me away.
Mark: You just said they sent you away.
Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.
Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. Uh, I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half. For example.
Andrew Largeman: Wow. Um, but I don't really think that's it.
Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.
Sam: I haven't even lied in like two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
Sam: No.
Sam: That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
Obnoxious Girl: I'll have a Ketel Cosmo, with Red Bull - and some bread ASAP.
Andrew Largeman: ...We don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: What do you mean you don't have bread, how can you not have bread?
Andrew Largeman: ...we're a Vietnamese restaurant... we just don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: Well, you're not Vietnamese.
Andrew Largeman: ...No, I'm not.
Obnoxious Girl: Can I have something to chew on! Fuck, bamboo! Whatever.
Andrew Largeman: I'll see what I can find.
Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.
Andrew Largeman: You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for one reason or another. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was like snot running down my nose. And she offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, this is love... this is love.
Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.
Andrew Largeman: Who are you?
Sam: I'm your new friend Sam. Tissue?
Andrew Largeman: That actually made me sadder than anything: the fact that I felt so numb.
Sam: If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.
Andrew Largeman: My mom just died. God, it's weird to say it out loud, but... my mom just died.
Mark: I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Sam: So what are you here for?
Andrew Largeman: What are you here for?
Sam: Waiting for a friend, you?
Andrew Largeman: I uh.
Sam: Oh fuck, that was so nosy. I'm sorry, ack. I am. I am so nosy. I didn't I didn't mean to be. I am sorry.
Andrew Largeman: No, I just get these headaches. I wanna have em checked out.
Sam: Cool.
Mark: So this is it.
Andrew Largeman: So knock... knock and barter for Desert Storm trading cards.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.
Andrew Largeman: It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.
Andrew Largeman: So how do people know what's real?
Sam: Well, I always feel bad afterwards and admit them when they're lies. Can you trust that?
