Senior Sandra Bloom: I don't think I'll ever dry out.
Senior Ed Bloom: You are in for a surprise.
Will Bloom: Am I?
Senior Ed Bloom: Havin' a kid changes everything. There's burping, the midnight feeding, and the changing.
Will Bloom: You do any of that?
Senior Ed Bloom: No. But I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill his head with nonsense, and still it turns out perfectly fine.
Will Bloom: You think I'm up for it?
Senior Ed Bloom: You learned from the best.
Norther Winslow: Roses are red. Violets are blue. I love Spectre.
Young Ed Bloom: I can't go back, I'm a human sacrifice.
Senior Ed Bloom: I've told you a thousand facts, Will, that's what I do. I tell stories.
Will Bloom: You tell lies, Dad.
Young Ed Bloom: Now I may not have much, but I have more determination then any man you're ever likely to meet.
Young Ed Bloom: There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man.
Will Bloom: A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.
Young Ed Bloom: The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never getting caught.
Josephine: Oh, so this is a tall tale?
Senior Ed Bloom: Well, it's not a short one.
Senior Ed Bloom: People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This is not how I go.
Will Bloom: Really?
Senior Ed Bloom: Truly. I saw it in the eye.
Will Bloom: The old lady by the swamp?
Senior Ed Bloom: She was a witch.
Will Bloom: No, she was old and probably senile.
Senior Ed Bloom: I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens.
Will Bloom: So how does it happen?
Senior Ed Bloom: Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you.
Senior Ed Bloom: Tell me how it happens.
Will Bloom: How what happens?
Senior Ed Bloom: How I go.
Will Bloom: You mean what you saw in the Eye? I dunno that story, Dad, you never told it to me.
Young Ed Bloom: It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties.
Young Ed Bloom: She said that the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never getting caught.
Young Jenny: There's leaches in there.
Young Ed Bloom: Did you see that woman?
Young Jenny: What did she look like?
Young Ed Bloom: Well, she was, uh.
Young Jenny: Was she naked?
Young Ed Bloom: Yeah, she was.
Young Jenny: It's not a woman. It's a fish. No one ever catches her.
Senior Ed Bloom: Most men, they'll tell you a story straight through. It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
Senior Ed Bloom: I was drying out.
Young Ed Bloom: This isn't how I die.
Senior Ed Bloom: And that's my life story.
