Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: I looked down from our bridge and saw our captain's palm tree! Our trophy for superior achievement! The Admiral John J. Finchley award for delivering more toothpaste and toilet paper than any other Navy cargo ship in the safe area of the Pacific.
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: You pretend you want me to improve your mind. You've never finished one book I've given you to read.
Ensign Frank Thurlowe Pulver: I've finished "God's Little Acre," Doug boy.
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: I didn't give you that. He's been reading "God's Little Acre" for over a year now. He's underlined every erotic passage and added exclamation points. And after a certain pornographic climax, he's inserted the words "well written."
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: Captain, you told me.
The Captain: Never mind what I told you. I'm telling you!.
