Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)

Dave Stangle: Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Why would Dad forget about an old tomato?
Dave Stangle: No, his ul... his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Old tom...?
Dave Stangle: Ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Are you saying "old tomato"?
Dave Stangle: Ultima-tum, like a tomb or a crypt.

Burt Stangle: I want you two to bring a date. That's two dates.
Dave Stangle: You want us to bring dates to a wedding?
Mike Stangle: Excuse me?
Dave Stangle: Are you allowed to do that?

Tatiana: One time I got high, I read the back of the shampoo bottle for thirteen hours.
Jeanie Stangle: Because it said repeat.
Tatiana: Rinse and repeat.
Jeanie Stangle: I get it.

Mike Stangle: You look like burn victim Barbie.

Mike Stangle: Somebody over cooked the soft pretzel. My dick is hard, that's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes.