Joan Wilder: You're a mondo dismo.
Jack Colton: I'm... what am I? I'm what?
Joan Wilder: You're a man who takes money from stranded women.
Joan Wilder: These were Italian.
Jack Colton: Now they're practical.
Jack Colton: One hell of a morning has turned into a bitch of a day.
Gloria: Listen to me! You get bus sick, sea sick, plane sick, train sick, you practically puke riding on the escalator at Bloomingdale's, for god's sake!
Joan Wilder: Well, a lot of people get sick in department stores.
Juan: This guy who is following you, he is very persistent.
Jack Colton: What'd you do? Wake up this morning and say "today, I'm gonna ruin a man's life"?
[Jack Colton cuts the head off a snake.]
Jack Colton: Got that bushmaster.
Joan Wilder: Is it poisonous?
Jack Colton: Yeah. But very tasty.
Joan Wilder: You're the best time I've ever had.
Jack Colton: I've never been anybody's best time.
Joan Wilder: Which way to do we go?
Jack Colton: Follow that stone.
Jack Colton: Now I ain't cheap, but I can be had.
Joan Wilder: What about the bridge?
Jack Colton: That ain't a bridge. That's goddamned pre-Columbian art.
Jack Colton: Goddamn it, I knew I should've listened to my mother. I could've been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.
Jack Colton: Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the hell are you?
Joan Wilder: Well, I'm a romance novelist.
Jack Colton: You're what? What are you doing here?
Joan Wilder: I told you, my sister's life depends on me.
Jack Colton: Ah, don't give me that shit. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.
Zolo: Crocodiles shed tears when they eat their prey. You have heard of these tears I am sure. But have you seen them?
Jack Colton: I think I'm going to throw another key on the fire.
Joan Wilder: No, please, I'm getting dizzy.
Ralph: Not only are we kidnappers, but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod.
Zolo: There are schedules to be maintained, even in Colombia.
Jack Colton: Lady, you are a jinx.
Joan Wilder: Why won't you take the elevator?
Mrs. Irwin: Oh, pumpkin, I never get into an elevator alone. You know... rapists.
Jack Colton: What's the matter, are you paralyzed from the neck up, or are you hurt?
Chosen answer: She's lost in Columbia and doesn't have access to money beyond what she has with her. She doesn't want to give him everything she has because she doesn't know when she'll be able to get more.