Stan Lloyd: It's okay to be happy to see me. Just because you're English doesn't mean you need to hide your emotions.
Max Burdett: I'm Irish. We let people know how we feel. Now fuck off.
Mr. Ditkovich: If promises were crackers, my daughter would be fat.
Jenna: What happened?
Matt: I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?
Jenna: Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups.
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch.
Mort: I don't care. I'm just gonna smoke. I'm just gonna totally smoke. I'll finish these, go to the store and get a brand-new pack, smoke the shit out of that one.
Anna: I've met somebody who seems to be Sean... I really hoped that he was Sean. I wanted him to be Sean. But I knew he wasn't... The thing is, I'm falling in love with Sean again. That's what's happening. I need you to tell him to go away. Because I can't do it.
Reuben Feffer: Ahh... rat in the house.
Polly Prince: That's not a rat, that's my ferret.
Neuter Grandmother on Bus: I seen you, Sylvia Stickles, showing your pubic patch to the bus driver. You should move downtown where you belong, you whore.
Alex: Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things in a million years you never thought you'd see yourself do. There you are doing it... can't help it.
Angelica: Rosalee, when great love is rejected something inside a man dies.
Tommy Johnson: What else are you gonna do on a Saturday? Sit in your fuckin' armchair wankin' off to Pop Idols? Then try and avoid your wife's gaze as you struggle to come to terms with your sexless marriage? Then go and spunk your wages on kebabs, fruit machines and brasses? Fuck that for a laugh! I know what I'd rather do. Tottenham away, love it.
Madam Suliman: It's time to put an end to this idiotic war.
Nate Johnson: Nikki, this better be FTD, cuz this Russian tail is old enough to be yo' grandaddy.
Nikki Johnson: Not mom's big daddy.
Daniel: If you can reach out and touch the horizon, you're at your journeys end.
Audrey: James Joyce?
Daniel: My Uncle Clive, but, equally profound, don't you think?
Cole Burris: I'm so hungry, I'd sell my Grandmother for a tic tac.
Garfield: I've found that if you wait long enough, everything comes to you.