Lawanda Dumore: I hate children. They ruin everything. If I had enough power, I'd wipe them off the face of the earth.
Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Ninny Threadgoode: Hey Evelyn, somebody stole my house.
Frank Pesce Jr.: I wanna do something I never did before.
Frank Pesce Sr.: Oh really, then why don't you go upstairs and clean your fucking room.
Ed Furillo: What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?
Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Bonnie Rayburn: Good night! I'm going to bed.
Mitch Robbins: Good night! Sleep tight.
Ed Furillo: That was flirting.
Mitch Robbins: No, that was... Politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"
Admiral Benson: Oh, by the way I would like to thank you for having us over for dinner the other night. Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was marvelous.
Lt. Commander Block: But sir, we didn't have dinner the other night.
Admiral Benson: Really? Then where the hell was I? And who's this Cheryl?
Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?
Thomas J. Sennett: Vada?
Vada Sultenfuss: Yeah?
Thomas J. Sennett: Would you think of me?
Vada Sultenfuss: For what?
Thomas J. Sennett: Well, if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler.
Vada Sultenfuss: I guess.
Mr. Guttman: Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks good.
Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin.
Woman: What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me.
Bryan: I'd respect your privacy more if you weren't so secretive.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Well I'd tell you more if you didn't want to know so much.
Coach Rig: You go out there, you tear their fucking heads off and you shit down their necks! Let us pray.
J.P.: Go suck a bug.
Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Donatello.
Raphael: I'm Raphael.
Michalangelo: All the good ones end in "O".
Fred: I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.
Ben Geisler: What Ted Oakam doesn't know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl.
Dr. Benjamin Stone: You want to trade, the pig for the part?
Melvin the Mechanic: If you can part with the pig.
Dr. Benjamin Stone: Good.