Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Grand High Witch: This stinking little carbuncle has had five hundred doses! Aha, we are having Instantaneous action.
Jackie Flannery: They don't even want to call it "Hell's Kitchen" no more. Renamed it "Clinton." Sounds like a fucking steamboat.
Sunny von Bülow: I'm thinking of redecorating this whole fucking house.
Eddie Farrell: As Pericles said to the Athenians, "Where do I drain the lizard?"
Miss Bianca: Come on, darling. Let's get a move out.
Father Dyer: May the schwartz be with you.
Nina: My Feet will want to march to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.
Billy Covington: I don't wanna crash twice in one day.
Gene Ryack: Don't worry, I crash better that anyone I know.
Ernest P. Worrell: Did you hear the one about the three legged dog that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw."
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Richard Rascal Moore: Oh God, Virg, if I have to hear one more word about that stupid restaurant.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: It's not stupid! At least I've got a plan! What are you gonna do after the war, huh?
Richard Rascal Moore: Come to your restaurant and rob it.
Barbara Sabich: You're still in love with her.
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Barbara Sabich: Then what was it?
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Louis: Rent-a-cops! I hate rent-a-cops too.
Dick Tracy: Is the enemy of my enemy my friend, or the enemy of my friend my enemy?
Pat Patton: What?
Dick Tracy: Or enemy of my enemy my enemy?
Pat Patton: What'd he say?
Dick Tracy: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy.
Sam Catchem: He said the enemy of his enemy is his enemy.
Pat Patton: Oh.
Tinker: I'll be in hell for breakfast.
Martian Soldier: Sir, the Arcturans have destroyed the remainder of the fleet. I sent a distress signal to all ships across the galaxy, but we're headed straight into their sun, and our engines are about to explode.
Enforcer Drone: I have not yet begun to fight.
Martian Soldier: Now would be a great time to start.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.