A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: What are you trying to hide?.. You saw it. You saw the monster.
Wilson: Is that what you're going to tell the papers? That you're afraid of monsters?
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: That's exactly what I'm gonna tell them if you don't fill me in.
Leroy: All right everybody, drop your tacos or I'll blow your brains out.
Vladimir Ivanoff: In Moscow we fought for an inch of freedom! Here you take it and pour shit all over it.
Bernice: What you want for dinner?
Odell: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can cook?
Bernice: Well, in that case, where are you taking me?
Odell: Yeah, what do you want to have?
Bernice: You mean, what do I want, or what do I want that you can afford?
Tiny Tim: God bless us, everyone.
Warren Evans: My girl Melanie just left me.
Larry Hubbard: What'd she leave you for?
Warren Evans: She came home last night, found some guy robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
Larry Hubbard: Gee, that sounds tough.
Warren Evans: It was tough. It's probably for the best. She's really started to let herself go. Drank a lot, never bathed, fat.
Larry Hubbard: Hey, don't worry. You'll meet another girl.
Warren Evans: Not like Melanie.
Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a gd zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your gd office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your gd teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.
Beryl Thibodeaux: Do you investigate many sexual crimes?
Wes Block: Why?
Beryl Thibodeaux: I was wondering if they've had any... effect on you.
Wes Block: Well, they did make me want to treat my wife a little more tenderly.
Beryl Thibodeaux: How did she respond?
Wes Block: She said she wasn't interested in tenderness.
Vera: You've got about as much style as a bowl of turnips.
Lucy Lane: All you need is a couple of streaks and your ears pierced. I could do it for you, it's easy. You just get a needle, heat it up, dab it with some alcohol, and zap! The guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: My ears what?
Lucy Lane: Pierced. Like and you know, I take a needle, and then I heat it up, dab it with some alcohol and, zap, all the guys go crazy.
Linda Lee: Because I have holes in my ears?
Lucy Lane: What, are you putting me on? Sometimes I can't figure you out, Linda.
Alex Rogan: Hold it! There's no fleet? No Starfighters, no plan? One ship, you, me, and that's it?
Grig: Exactly! Xur thinks you're still on Earth. Classic military strategy, surprise attack.
Alex Rogan: It'll be a slaughter.
Grig: That's the spirit.
Alex Rogan: No, my slaughter! One ship against the whole Armada?
Grig: Yes, one Gunstar against the Armada. I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds.
Capitaine Phillippe D'Arnot: This is not the world John. Just the edge of it.
Ozone: Girls are whack, man.
Police Chief Aiello: I'm the chief of police, not the chief of the people.
Jason Carter: Pa, there is something you could do.
John Carter: Name it.
Jason Carter: Well, I'd sure like it if you and Ma could make a younger child. Then it wouldn't be so bad if I have someone to pick on.
John Carter: Well Son, I'm gonna have to talk to your Ma about that.
Principal Underwood: Go fuck an iceberg.
Joe Wade: Sooner or later there's gonna be too much rain, or too much drought, or too much corn... I can wait.