Jonathan Harker: You make it very difficult for me. After all, I'm a guest here. If I'm to help you, I must have a reason.
Vampire Woman: A reason! You ask for a reason? Is it not reason enough that he locks me up in this house, holds me against my will? You can have no idea what an evil man he is... or of the terrible things he does.
Father Perez: The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the heart of a mother.
Bernadette 'Bernie' Walsh: This is sick, Helen! This isn't one of your fairytales, a woman got killed here.
Maleva: The way you walked was thorny, through no fault of your own, but as the rain enters the soil, the river enters the sea, so tears run to a predestined end. Your suffering is over, Bela my son. Now you will find peace.
Yevtushenko: I'm an engineer. A scientist. And this is ordinary chalk. How do you explain it not writing on that crate?
Professor Saxton: Hypnosis! Yoga! These mystics can be terribly convincing. They can even hypnotize themselves.
Dr. Eric Price: I do not believe in anything I cannot see or study.
Woman: What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me.
Ed Warren: Come on, Bill. You're not a psychiatrist, and we're not here to talk about my father. What do you say we get down to business?
Elvis: Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.
JFK: No shit?
Steve Andrews: You sure you want to go with me?
Jane Martin: Yes.
Steve Andrews: I wouldn't give much for our chances, us running around in the middle of the night, looking for something that if we found it, it might kill us.
Cole Burris: I'm so hungry, I'd sell my Grandmother for a tic tac.
Mary: You really wanna know what Norman's like?
Warren Toomey: Yeah.
Mary: Better than you'll ever be, fat boy.
Lindsay Lohan: I'm gonna blow you across the room.
Charlie Sheen: Sounds awesome.
Dodge: You want to build a raft?
Greer: I wanna build a raft.
Jackie Price: How you doing?
Jack Starks: Better now.
Chloe: It was the only way to help him stop.
Miranda: Stop what?
Chloe: Stop fucking me.
Mark Rumsfield: There go the Goddamn brownies.
Dean: The world is perfect. Appreciate the details.
Dracula: You shall pay, black prince. I shall place a curse of suffering on you that will doom you to a living hell. I curse you with my name. You shall be... Blacula.