Jimmy: Hey, Ted, where the hell is the corkscrew?
[Jason appears and shoves the corkscrew into Jimmy's hand]
Randall Peltzer: Well, that's the story. So if your air conditioner goes on the fritz. Or your washing machine blows up. Or your video recorder conks out; before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds. Cause you never can tell. There just might be a gremlin in your house.
Nancy Thompson: I grab the guy in my dream. You see me struggling so you wake me up. We both come out, you whack the fucker and we got him.
Glen Lantz: Are you crazy? Hit him with what?
Nancy Thompson: You're the jock. You have a baseball bat or something.
Irv Manders: You men are tresspassin. Show me a warrant or get off my land.
Agent: We don't need a warrant.
Irv Manders: You do unless I woke up in Russia this morning.
Job: Don't worry, Mister. You'll be safe here. Isaac and Malachai don't know about this place.
Burt Robeson: Enough! Who are Isaac and Malachai?
Job: Isaac started the whole thing. He's a boy preacher who came to this town three years ago. At nine-years-old back then, he had a charming way that appealed to all the kids and teens like us to follow him with his own teachings of the bible and of the Old Testiment. But me and Sarah thought he was just plain weird.
Billy Chapman: Mommy, you shouldn't have said that. It's naughty to say bad things about old people. Santa Claus will punish you.
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man.
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world.
Peter: I suggest you take two aspirin and go right to bed.
Alison: With whom?
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: What are you trying to hide?.. You saw it. You saw the monster.
Wilson: Is that what you're going to tell the papers? That you're afraid of monsters?
A.J. 'The Reverend' Shepherd: That's exactly what I'm gonna tell them if you don't fill me in.
Foster: Sue, it ain't natural to be in a place without a disco.
The Toxic Avenger: And you can tell all your scum friends that things are gonna change in this town. I'm not just another pretty face.